I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FUCK WHALES
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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