I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
