What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
