guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
