Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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