I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
