Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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