WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
