I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
