you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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