I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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