we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
