With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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