I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
