dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
