just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
