i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize