thus making me awesome and them whores
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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