God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
