My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i think i just lost a toe
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
