we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
