Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize