I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
