with your own penis?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
