K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
babies were throwing up all over the place
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize