Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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