Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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