I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
nutella sex= disaster
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
