he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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