I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize