i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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