idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
