Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
