on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
