i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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