hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
