You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so let's talk penis.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
