I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
