Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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