I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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