Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We got so high we made milksteak
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every concussion has its silver lining
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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