Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
