I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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