Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drunk is a universal language darling
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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