I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want nice things and good sex
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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