Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
