just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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