The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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