he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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