My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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