i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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