There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
