Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
sarcasm needs its own font
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
