How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
