its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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