so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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