Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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