I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
