Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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