I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
