I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
