Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
