She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
