Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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