I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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