i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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