I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
