I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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