we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
