i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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