I have demons in me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
