I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
