We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
