Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
