There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
