yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
