i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize