Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
