You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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