just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
