So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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