he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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