We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
