Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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