My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
